Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
