I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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