he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
