Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
