it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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