I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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