We won't sleep together?
She's JV to your varsity
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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