im drinking this country out of the recession.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
