I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
