We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am one with the molecules
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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