went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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