my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
