I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
