So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
