did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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