no, he came in my armpit
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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