I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
this hospital has no fireball
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
