My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
