I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
