Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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