Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
