so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
