I'm so fucking centered right now
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize