I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
