Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Boobs speak an international language.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
