She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
