the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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