i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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