... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
