So drunk its hurt
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
