I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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