Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
