They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
