hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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