Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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