I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
