They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
did you just send me my own nude
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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