i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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