So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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