all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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