There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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