Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
