I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
