how can u be prego again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
