Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I look better un-naked...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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