she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize