Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
