you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
