There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
