pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
