i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
