Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize