party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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