I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
