the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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