all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
