He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
now i know why i became what i already was.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
