OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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