The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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