At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize