i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
