TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize