its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize